You know how I know you're gay?

Dear 500-Lb. Life Coach,

I say it's not gay if a homo gives you a BJ, but a friend of mine says otherwise. What say you?

Regards,
Larry from Idaho

Dear Larry from Idahomo (see what I did there?)

You can receive a blowjob from a guy and not be gay. Unless you enjoy it. Hope that settles it, dinnermasher.

While we're on this subject, let's get some things figured out for the confused "bi-curious" masses out there.

Multiple choice: A "bi-curious" male is either:
A: Someone who would prefer a chick but hasn't gotten any lately.
B: Someone who hasn't tried it yet.
C: Both A & B

Okay, Larry... if you want to check it out and get a hummer from some dude, go for it. It's okay. I am going to hasten a guess and say that many people have "experimented" at one time or another with their sexuality. For some people, it may only involve kissing someone of the same sex (i.e. The Pete Wentz) or all the way to actual intercourse (i.e. The Stuff Pete Wentz Is Scared To Do Because He's Not Gay Even Though He Claims To Be Bisexual). It's common, if not standard, for straights to try things out once or twice and then return to the land of Heterotopia with a dark secret they can't tell their roommates.

I did not just accuse all straight people of experimenting just now. I mean, a significant number of them. If anybody needs me, I'm going to be watching some lesbian porn (which is a different thing altogether from gay porn...i'm glad we got that settled).