Can An Older Man Do It For Ya?

Trinity asks,

Do older men make better lovers? Older like, 50ish. They call you baby a lot, and they know what they want.

What do I tell the family and friends? When I asked a friend, "does he love you", she said "Yes"
So why does it matter? Is this taboo for the thirty-something female?


Dear Trinity,

Of course older guys know what they want. Some seltzer and a knife to do some whittling on the porch and of course the bicarbonate soda like they used to take. I'm fucking with you, sweetie.

Seriously, you oughta be fucking around with dudes in their early 30s. Actually, now that "thirty is the new twenty" according to fucks like Jay-Z, better go ahead and avoid them, too. If you're with an older man in your mid-30s, I wouldn't worry about it.

Think about it. If the guy only wanted a trophy girl, he could aim about ten years younger than you and still be in the clear. However, a girl in her thirties has a better idea what the hell's going on, what they want with their life (even if they're not 100% ironclad sure) and you're not going to be an intellectual inferior to the guy like a trophy wife might be.

Of course you know, men hit their sexual prime around the age of eighteen. That's science, but goddamn it if our nineteen-year-old selves are all over the fuckin' map. Overenthusiastic and near desperate just to get the poison out, mentally immature, and ten years later they've gained weight and bogged down from their shitty job. "I WORK TOO GODDAMN HARD TO FUCK YOU THE WAY YOU'D LIKE IT!"

Here's the deal. A fifty-year-old guy has figured it out on some level, whether they've beaten the game of life or lost like a motherfucker. I've heard that the face you get when you turn fifty years old is the face you deserve. The previous years one lived will show in their face. Unless they've been disfigured in a freak accident or something, you can tell how well a 50-year-old took care of themselves their whole lives previous. A guy could look like Alec Baldwin or the guy on the Jethro Tull "Aqualung" cover. It all depends.

So for you mid-30s girls who wondered if it was okay, it's fine. It's disappointing to us guys in your age range, but we understand. You bitches.